Dinar "Gossip $ Fun" Thread!!!!

[neno]

During a business trip, Homer checked into the hotel. Recently, he had
been a bit lonely so he thought he'd hire one of those girls he had seen
advertised in the phone books listed under Escorts and Massages.
He opened the phone book to an ad for a girl calling herself Erotique, a
lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in
all the right places, beautifully shagged wavy hair, long graceful legs all
the way up. You know the kind. He figured, what the heck, and placed the call.
"Hello?" the woman says.
God she sounded sexy!
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room
and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all
alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I
want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do
it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.
We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup
and whipped cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"

"That sounds fantastic, Sir ....
But for an outside line you need to press 9."



Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

[neno]

size=3]It's a house...not a Hotel
As you get ready to fill your car up with gas, remember you helped buy this house and the car at the end.
Don't Miss the Car at the End![/size]

[neno]

Still More.

[neno]

One More After This With Reason.

[neno]

Get Aload Of This Ride..

[neno]

Bill's jog







Bill Clinton started jogging near his
new home in Chappaqua.


But on each run he happened to jog
past a hooker standing on the same
street corner, day after day.




With some apprehension he would ;brace
himself as he approached her for what
was most certainly to follow.


"Fifty dollars!" she would cry
out from the curb.




"No, Five dollars!"
fired back Clinton .



This ritual between Bill and the
hooker continued for days.


He'd run by and she'd yell,
"Fifty dollars!"

And he'd yell back,
"Five dollars!"


One day however,
Hillary decided that she
wanted to accompany her
husband on his jog!


As the jogging couple neared the problematic
street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would
bark her $50 offer and Hillary would
wonder what he'd really
been doing on all his past outings.


He realized he should have a
darn good explanation
for the junior Senator .


As they jogged into the turn that would
take them past the corner,
Bill became even more apprehensive
than usual.

Sure enough,
there was the hooker!


Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes
as she watched the pair jog past.


Then,

from the sidewalk,

the hooker yelled...

See what you get for five bucks!?"

[neno]

Actual Exchanges Between Pilots & Control Towers...
************************************************** ************************************************** *********************


Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

************************************************** ************************************************

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

************************************************** **************************************************

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"


************************************************** ************************************************

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747:
"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this..I've got the little Fokker in sight."

************************************************** **************************************************

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked:
"What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

************************************************** *************************************************

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly
long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted:

"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

************************************************** **************************************************

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following...

Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

************************************************** **************************************************

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

************************************************** ************************************************** *

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said:
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

************************************************** **************************************************

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

************************************************** ***********************************************

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:

"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:

"Wasn't I married to you once?"

[arvie]

would A Big Brown Beaver Be Bothered By A Porcupines Prick?

[buddy54]

U guys want to hear a good one the man who invented the toliet his last name is crapper

[arvie]

U guys want to hear a good one the man who invented the toliet his last name is crapper

NO SH*T