I almost killed my step dad with a knife while he was asleep.

I was about 10 or 11 years old. My step dad had been molesting me. He'd been touching my private parts whenever he got drunk.

Anyway, growing up we lived in a tiny apartment and I slept on the living room floor. I always acted like I was asleep but I was always awake. How could I sleep when I was petrified of my step dad.

My mom left the house at 4 am to work. My older sisters left the house by 6:30 am to work and my younger brother and I would start getting ready for school at 7 am then walk to school together.

One morning, as usual, my sister woke up at 5:30 to shower and get ready for work. We always had to have the water running for about a minute until the water warmed up.

Anyway, as soon as my sister turned on the shower, I felt my step dad get up. (He also slept in the living room floor across from me)

I then open my eyes a little bit to see where he is and I see him kneeling down and looking through our bathroom door where he stared at my sister as she was getting undressed.

We had a door very similar to this

That little hole is where he was staring through.

Till this day I still remember the anger and blood rush I felt when I saw him doing that.

I did absolutely nothing that day but I knew I wanted him dead. Interestingly, it hurt me a lot more seeing him do that than what he had done to me.

That same day in school I thought of all the possibilities of getting rid of him.

At night I went to the kitchen drawer and got the biggest knife I could find.

I hid it under my pajamas and went to sleep with it next to me.

After my mom went to work, I decided I was going to stab him.

I grabbed my knife and went towards his sleeping area and as I'm raising my arms while holding the knife in my hands to stab him in the heart, he wakes up and pushes me away from him.

He screamed and I screamed so my sisters came running to the living room.

I was just shocked and my step dad kept telling them “It’s nothing! Go back to sleep. She (me) thought she heard someone trying to open the door so she got scared and screamed”

That's the most evil thing I have done in my life. I didn't care about the consequences. All I cared about that day was the safety of my sisters.

Edit: some of you will think I'm a psycho. I’m not. It was built up anger in me towards my step-dad. I'm doing fine now.


EDIT: I have received many questions and messages regarding what happened afterwards and if he ever went to jail. Below is an answer I wrote regarding this situation as well as others that happened to me as a child.

Karina Rivera's answer to When do you feel, or when have you felt, the most alone?

Also, I received several nasty messages regarding me making up this story. One person told me via message that she was raped once as a teenager and she remembered specific details such as the date and time of when her sexual abuse happened. She mentioned that when I mentioned in my answer that “I was around 10 or 11 years old” makes her think I am making this story up because trauma victims remember very specific trauma details such as specific age.

To her and to those who think this story is being made up: I wish this story was made up. My entire childhood up until I was 17 years old I lived a nightmare at home. None of this is made up. I probably don’t remember specific details such as dates and times because I lived many traumatic experiences as a child. There were too many traumatic experiences to remember specific details. In this answer I guessed the age only because I assigned an age number based on what grade I was in at the time or which house I lived in. So please stop with the “Liar” messages.

To those who sent thoughtful comments and messages, I truly appreciate it. I have not been able to reply to all of them but just know that knowing that others don’t think I am crazy makes me feel much better. The experience was always in the back of my mind and I was afraid of talking about it thinking I would be judged but it seems like many of you think otherwise and that's refreshing to hear.

Source: https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-mo...e-in-your-life

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