Drinking with a Redneck Girl
Drinking with a Redneck Girl
A different twist.
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A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice."
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Arabia we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."
The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
God Bless America !
My New Car...I Love It!!!
MY NEW CAR
I bought a new Lexus LS-460 and returned to the dealer the next day because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
"Nelson," the salesman said to the radio. The Radio replied, "Ricky or
Willie?"
"Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.
Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind"
replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say,"Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,"Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "Ass Holes!"
Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda, Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks,with
John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.
Damn, I LOVE this car!
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