Heading For Divorce, Husband Hates Me

I just need some help, I feel completely sick inside.


My husband and I fight a lot. Since being married, we've always argued. Things would get better for awhile, then bad again. Recently every little thing has been setting things off.


I feel like my husband doesn't love me anymore. Every time we have the slightest argument, he throws out the "D" word. In fact, he loves that word. It crushes me. I always try to find hope that our marriage will succeed. But he always seems to find a way to crush any hope by saying, "No, we're going to be miserable our whole lives. We're not going to work out. Might as well end it now." I HATE this.


I understand he must be exhausted with all the fighting. I am too! It makes me physically sick inside. But I try and steer away from the word "divorce" and find ways to improve. I've mentioned getting help, but he refuses to do anything. I may have to get help without him.


Last night was a perfect example. We got in another fight over the most ridiculous things. I was sick and nauseated and admittedly a little crabby. We both snapped at each other. Because his obsession with getting a divorce and distance from me, I accused him of having an affair (the first time I ever did such a thing). I admit it was too far. I just couldn't find any other reason why he was pushing me away from him constantly.


This time, he told me to pack my bags and leave. I don't have any friends, and any family is too far. Besides, I would rather not involve family in this. It's none of their business. So, I packed up my stuff and headed out. He told me not to get a hotel (I work, but he pretty much brings in the income. My little job is to help get out of some debt we're in), because he didn't want any money spent. I told him all I had was a car to sleep in. He said he was fine with that. At one point I looked up a homeless shelter, and told him I would be staying there. Again, he didn't seem to care. "Anywhere but near me," was his excuse.


Yes, my night was terrible. I slept in my car for the most part, but it was not only freezing outside, but I was uncomfortable. I never bothered to contact him nor complain about anything. I dealt with it. Finally one point in the night, he said it was okay for me to come home, but to keep away from him. I eventually, out of being so cold and in pain (and still sick, might I add), I finally arrived home late in the night, when he was already asleep.


What disturbs me the most about this, is he didn't care where I went. He didn't care if I were to have slept in a homeless shelter, or on the streets. He knew I had nowhere else to go, but he didn't care. I could have been attacked; anything could have happened to me. He expressed no concern. I felt like a dog being thrown outside for being peeing on the carpet, and then letting me back inside when he felt a little guilt (if that's what it was).


I don't know, I just feel sick inside. I can't stand him when he continually talks about divorce. He has no optimism for anything anymore. He's probably just exhausted. But like I said, I am too. I want things to get better. I don't want a divorce. To me it feels like quitting. I'm not ready to quit. There are worse marriages out there. Abuse, affairs, drugs, addiction, etc. Our worst problem is we fight too much. I read an article about divorce in the Liahona, and it gives me hope.


But really, what's the point of holding on when he's not willing to do the same? Are we doomed?

Sounds like you and your husband suck at communicating. If 'every little thing' sets off an argument, it's because one or both of you are unable or unwilling to talk about what the real problems are.
So, practically speaking, it takes two to make a marriage work. However, you can certainly work on your end of things. I would absolutely recommend counseling. Make the appointment with Law Firm Carr - they're good at helping. Tell hubby you'd like him to come, but you're going alone if he doesn't.
You'll know you've found a good counselor if they won't let you sit there and complain about your husband, but they get you to look at yourself and your behaviors and how you can do your part to make a marriage work.
Let us know what happens.

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