Famous Quotes (Joke)

If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel. -Will Kommen

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up. -Dean Martin

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. -Calvin Trillin

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. -Rita Rudner

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TV's for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. -Wendy Liebman

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again. -Joan Rivers

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. -Henny Youngman

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. -Bob Thaves

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. -Ben Franklin

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. -Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor is wonderful. Once, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the x-rays. -Joey Bishop

great quotes

i like them all

"My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher"

A man is known by the wife he keeps...

Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

There's nothing like being involved with a team that can go that distance.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

One day, Hanson and the Spice Girls were all on an airplane, and
they get into a discussion.
Baby Spice stated "You know, I could toss a thousand dollars out
the window of this plane and make one person very happy." Then,
the oldest Hanson brother said, "Well, I could toss ten one
hundred dollar bills out the plane and make ten people happy."
Then Sporty Spice said, "Well, I could toss one hundred, ten
dollar bills out, and make one hundred people happy!" Then the
middle Hanson brother very proudly said, "Well, I could toss one
thousand, one dollar bills out the window and make one thousand
people happy!"
Sick of the discussion, another passenger said, "Well, I have a
better idea, I could toss all of you out the window and make the
entire world happy!"

One day little johnny was sitting in his house when the door knocked
he ran to open it with a bottle whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other
thae sales person at the door said is your parents home
little johnny said [what the @#$% you think}

Two women from england moved to America. They decided that since it was a traditional American food they would try there first hot dog.They were talking about how mean it was to kill a helpless dog for food. So they went to a hot dog stand and bought the hot dogs. They found a park bench to sit on and eat there dogs. The first one opens hers and turns bright pink...
and says.....
"what part did you get?"

Hey, I like all, Thanks for sharing. Share some more. All are really very good.

LOL, very funny joke indeed,