Some more jokes!

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate. Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?
Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.
Interviewer: How did you get that hook?
Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.
Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?
Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.
Interviewer: And that put your eye out?
Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.



A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.




Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.
"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test."


The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

Haha. :rofl:
Thanks for a good laugh to finish out my day. :cheers:

Ha ha ha ha...:rofl:, boy & gal's joke was superb

The jokes were superb, moreso the boy gal joke.

Lol very funny!









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Supplemental Rules for Bowling

If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs".

When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance.

After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames.

When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule.

After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair".

If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the lane, knocking dow pins, by golly, you get them! That's much harder than to knock them down the conventional way. Good bowling should be recognized.

A ball should be declared dead when you bowl 3 games without a strike. It shall be the owners privilege to decide on the disposition of said dead ball - Burial at Sea, Dropped from an airplane over a live volcano, or a simple burial in the city dump. For a small fee, a league officer can be bribed to deliver a short eulogy.

Teacher: Julia please point to America on the map.
Julia: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Julia did.

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

Bush was in Afghanistan on a visit, talking to Osama Bin Laden.
Osama would ask Bush questions, and when Bush gave a response
Bin Laden didn't like, he pressed a button, and a giant boxing
glove would hit Bush in the face.
When Osama came to America, he and Bush were talking. When Osama
said something Bush didn't like, he pressed a button, and
nothing happened. Osama kept answering questions, and Bush kept
pressing the button, but nothing happened.
When the day was over Osama said "When we get to Afghanistan,
i'll show you how we really do things."
Then Bush responds with a smile on his face "What Afghanistan?"

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready."All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

There once was a man he was very clumsy,idotic,and forgetful.
His wife was very tired of his ways and wanted to change him.She
thought and she pondered over what she'd do. i'll teach him a
lesson that he wont forget she said. The next day she told her
husband that if he could not complete the task she was to give
him shed leave him. She made him wrie the following on a peice
of paper: I am sofa king we tod did.
She told him to balance the paper on his head and at the same
time memorize the words.She made him still jumpup and down with
a glass of water and the paper over it ,w/out wetting the
paper,still she made him memorize the words. Then that night she
announced in front of him and his friends,"what do u have to say"
He proudly announced "I am sofa king we tod did"
.........(translates to i am so ****ing retarted)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down
for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what
you see."
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God
is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell
you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."

A man was walking along the beach at Malibu when he found a
bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it.
A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The
genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but
only one.."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to
go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of
flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for
a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think
I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the
pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would
have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the
pavement that would be needed.
No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is
one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be
able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are
they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with?
Basically, what makes them tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you
want two lanes or four?

One day, Hanson and the Spice Girls were all on an airplane, and
they get into a discussion.
Baby Spice stated "You know, I could toss a thousand dollars out
the window of this plane and make one person very happy." Then,
the oldest Hanson brother said, "Well, I could toss ten one
hundred dollar bills out the plane and make ten people happy."
Then Sporty Spice said, "Well, I could toss one hundred, ten
dollar bills out, and make one hundred people happy!" Then the
middle Hanson brother very proudly said, "Well, I could toss one
thousand, one dollar bills out the window and make one thousand
people happy!"
Sick of the discussion, another passenger said, "Well, I have a
better idea, I could toss all of you out the window and make the
entire world happy!"

The year is 2050 and Bill Gates has recently died. He goes
to God and God says to him," Would you like to go to Heaven or
Hell?" Bill isn't sure so he asks for a preview of both. First
God takes him to Hell. Bill sees fancy cars, piles of money,
and naked Playboy models. Then God takes him to Heaven. All
Bill sees are fat, naked babies with wings floating around.
Bill decides to go to Hell. God says he will check on him in a
week. A week later, God goes to Hell and finds Bill burning
under the Devil's torch. Bill says to God," Where are the cars,
money, and women?" God replies," That was just a screen saver!"

One day, Hanson and the Spice Girls were all on an airplane, and
they get into a discussion.
Baby Spice stated "You know, I could toss a thousand dollars out
the window of this plane and make one person very happy." Then,
the oldest Hanson brother said, "Well, I could toss ten one
hundred dollar bills out the plane and make ten people happy."
Then Sporty Spice said, "Well, I could toss one hundred, ten
dollar bills out, and make one hundred people happy!" Then the
middle Hanson brother very proudly said, "Well, I could toss one
thousand, one dollar bills out the window and make one thousand
people happy!"
Sick of the discussion, another passenger said, "Well, I have a
better idea, I could toss all of you out the window and make the
entire world happy!"

There was once 3 indians and a chief. the chief told the indians to go hunting a couple minutes later the first indian comes back with a deer. The chief said, "how did you get that deer?". The indian said, "Me see track me follow track me shoot deer". Then the 2nd indian comes back with a bear. the chief asked him how he got the bear. the indian said, "Me see track me follow track me shoot bear." A couple hours later the third indian comes back all bruised up and bleeding. The chief asked, "What happened to you"? The indian said me see track me follow track me get hit by a train.

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

George W. Bush and Al Gore went to a fancy resturaunt. The
waitress came and asked what they wanted. George said, "I want a
quickie." The witress slapped him and walked away. George then
asked Al what he did wrong. Gore told him it that was pronounced
"queshe."

Ha ha ha very funny!!!
one joke from my side!!!
Ultimate serious...ekdum janleva msg-------

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Last one was just hilarious. Innocent kids making anything out of the world.Just loved it.Thanks for posting.

Thanks for sharing. It really gives a good laugh