Jesus Is Watching You

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying,

"Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed.. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

2 angles came to a couple in there 60's on the anninversary night. The angles told them that since they have been faithfully married all these many years they may each have one wish. The wife said her wish would be to travel to the most beautiful places in the world. She was told to close her eyes and when she opened them she was on the most fabulous beach she had ever seen. Her husband said his wish was to be married to a bride 30 years younger than he. He was told by the angles to close his eyes and when he opened them....he was 90 years old married to his wife in her 60's.