Bad episode of depression

Hi,

I have periodically suffered from depression and anxiety since I was 20 years old (now I am almost 34). Since February 2015, he has been coping well with the antidepressant Mirtazapine, which has ceased to work. I tried Escitalopram, which only worsened the situation, and as a result, I left work for a month due to illness. I made the mistake of rushing back to work too early, and after returning to reduced hours for 3 weeks, I got sick again and am now in the 6th week of this current illness.

My medication has been replaced with Venlafaxine, which has made some improvements, but I still feel bad and I still have to fight daily with thoughts of taking my own life. I am afraid to go through this, fearing that I will ruin everything and end up with a disability or even with brain damage.

I have a low energy level, and I'm struggling to motivate myself to do something productive and just worry every day.

In the long run, I would like to get better and meet a good girl with whom I could settle down, but I don't have confidence in this, and I have never had a girlfriend. A close platonic friend offered to help me with online dating, but I find it very intimidating. I've never had much trouble making friends or getting along with people, but I don't have much social skills.

Now I quit my job before December 7, but I'm afraid to go back and meet with my colleagues, who will have to take my job in the meantime. The unsuccessful return also undermined my self-confidence. I work for a large employer in the public sector, and the management gave me a lot of support, which helped.

Sorry for the long post, but this seems like a really safe and supportive place to share your story.

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So sorry to hear about what you are going through... but this really is a safe environment you can open up about your struggles.

Welcome and thank you for sharing your feelings, you know the best way out is always through.

It is great that you opened up, and yes, this is indeed a safe and warm environment. It's so important that you have plenty of support from your friends and co-workers! I was struggling with depression as well and also had thoughts about taking my own life. I was bullied a lot because of my weight, because I was different. But my friends and my family were a strong enough reason to keep me going. And about a year ago, I have tried online therapy for the first time, after I found an article on LAmag.com. I am extremely happy I decided to do it, because it literally saved my life. I have found exactly the support that I needed. You can check this out https://www.lamag.com/sponsored/best-online-therapy/ and hopefully, it will help you too. Therapy really does wonders.

My God, I feel so sorry for you. I can't imagine what you're going through, and I want you to get over it. My brother had a similar situation for a while, so I genuinely feel sorry for you. On top of that, he started drinking alcohol and eating a lot. He gained 13 pounds in a year and didn't look good, and we tried to help him as much as possible. Courses like this https://fherehab.com/learning/online-aa-meetings/, walks in nature, and frequent holidays were doing him good. We signed him up for the pool, and after a year, he was back in good shape. I hope you get rid of it and may you do well.